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Something happened just a bit ago and my first thought was to call my son Chad. My heart sank because unless God gives me access to heaven that won’t happen. For the most part, I was the first one he called when something exciting happened, and he was the first one I called, he or my daughter.

Not that anything really exciting happened today just a decision I’m coming to.

The text below was one he sent to me last May 2014 when he first found out he was coming out here. We’d had a talk not long before and I was so happy to see things seemed to be working out.

How is a mother to move forward? It’s impossible to explain, and unless you’ve lost a child consider this, planet XXXX……

4 Web ChadEUGENEThere is so much that has happened in this journey, and I wish there was something I could say that would help someone just beginning. Support is the first word that comes to mind. Support, support, and more support. There are a few people that merely text and ask how I’m doing. Even that helps and is appreciated so much. All grieving parents long for understanding, not sympathy, but only understanding.

We’ll never be the same, no going back, and, as I’m doing in these posts, prayer and keeping busy is a must to deal with in all the emotions that are now part of our lives, until we die. We’re holding onto this wretched grief as we go about our days, and that is the hardest task any person will ever perform.

My hope is that Chad is filled with joy now. I pray God will allow me witness that in some capacity very soon.